The following summarizes many of the things that parents should teach their children. Resources that you can use in teaching your children include the scriptures, the words of latter-day prophets, Church magazines, and other Church-produced materials.

The Lord has commanded parents to teach their children ““to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old”” (D&C 68:25). You should teach your children of the Savior’’s Atonement, the nature of the priesthood and the ordinances of salvation, and the central role of families and eternal marriage in the divine plan of happiness.

The Lord has also commanded that parents ““teach their children to pray”” (D&C 68:28). It is essential for children to know that they can talk to Heavenly Father and seek His guidance. You can teach them that God is always ready to help them. You can help your children learn to pray individually in the morning, at night, and whenever they need help or want to express thanks. You can also teach the importance of family prayer.

You will receive great blessings as you study the gospel individually and hold daily scripture study as a family. You will be able to help your children love the scriptures and recognize the power of God’’s word in their lives (see ““The Power of the Word,”” pages 50-51). You will be able to help them search the scriptures to understand true principles and to find answers to their problems. You will also be able to help them develop the study skills and habits they need to continue learning the gospel throughout their lives (see ““Helping Individuals Take Responsibility for Learning the Gospel,”” pages 61-62).

You should teach your children to exercise their agency in righteous ways--to apply gospel teachings in all they do. As King Benjamin taught, you should teach your children ““to walk in the ways of truth and soberness”” and ““to love one another, and to serve one another”” (Mosiah 4:15).

In the home, children should learn to keep the Sabbath day holy, pay tithing, and follow latter-day prophets. They should learn to seek for all things that are ““virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy”” (Articles of Faith 1:13).

In addition to teaching doctrinal topics, you should teach your children practical skills such as how to manage money, maintain good health, get along with others, and take care of clothing and property. Help them learn to work hard, get a good education, and be good citizens.

As a parent, you should strive to establish patterns of gospel living in your home (see ““Teaching through Patterns of Gospel Living,”” pages 135-36). Everyday patterns of gospel living can create an atmosphere of faith and obedience in the home. Following are some of the many ways you can teach your children.

Example can be your most powerful teaching tool. Children learn attitudes and conduct by observing your actions (see ““Living What You Teach,”” pages 18-19).

Daily family prayers and scripture study, family home evening, and even family traditions can weave the gospel into every part of children’’s daily living (see ““Regular Occasions for Teaching in the Home,”” pages 137-39).

Elder M. Russell Ballard taught: ““Love for our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ is greatly enhanced when the gospel is taught and lived in the home. True principles of eternal life are embedded in the hearts and souls of young and old alike when scriptures are read and discussed, when prayers are offered morning and night, and when reverence for God and obedience to Him are modeled in everyday conduct”” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1996, 112; or Ensign, May 1996, 81).

Some of your greatest teaching opportunities will be unplanned. Be alert for opportunities that arise in the course of everyday living to teach your children gospel principles (see ““Teaching Moments in Family Life,”” pages 140-41).

It is important to establish patterns of gospel living when children are young. As Elder L. Tom Perry expressed, ““How important it is that gospel training begin right at the start when we accept a new little spirit into our home”” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1988, 87; or Ensign, Nov. 1988, 74). Smaller children are eager to participate in family home evening, scripture study, prayer, and service projects.

President Thomas S. Monson observed: ““There are those who dismiss these responsibilities, feeling they can be deferred until the child grows up. Not so, the evidence reveals. Prime time for teaching is fleeting”” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1997, 21; or Ensign, Nov. 1997, 17).

Still, it is never too late to begin teaching the gospel to your children--or to begin again. The teaching process will be different if you have delayed teaching your children the gospel. There may be additional challenges. But the Lord will bless you for your earnest efforts to teach true principles and establish righteous practices in your family. If you are newly awakened to your parenting responsibilities, take hope. Pray, exercise faith, and do all you can to reach your children and influence them for good.

Elder Robert D. Hales explained, ““Certainly parents will make mistakes in their parenting process, but through humility, faith, prayer, and study, each person can learn a better way and in so doing bless the lives of family members now and teach correct traditions for the generations that follow”” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 10-11; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 10).

President Boyd K. Packer declared: ““The ultimate purpose of all we teach is to unite parents and children in faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, that they are happy at home, sealed in an eternal marriage, linked to their generations, and assured of exaltation in the presence of our Heavenly Father”” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 8; or Ensign, May 1995, 8).

© 2001 Intellectual Reserve, Inc.
All rights reserved.

Becoming Our Children’s Greatest Teachers

By Ronald L. Knighton
Managing Director of Curriculum Department

In our divinely given role as teachers to our children, we as parents have much more support than we realize--including our Father’’s abundant help.

Ronald L. Knighton, ““Becoming Our Children’’s Greatest Teachers,”” Ensign, Sept. 1999, 15
The charge is clear: ““Inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.

““For this shall be a law unto the inhabitants of Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized. ……

““And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord”” (D&C 68:25-26, 28).

There can be little doubt that teaching children the gospel is the responsibility first of parents. For some this thought can be sobering, almost frightening. But of course we want our children to have a love of the gospel and to enjoy the blessings of a testimony. We read in 3 John 1:4 [3 Jn. 1:4]: ““I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”” Even though the Apostle was writing specifically to a friend he loved, it is surely the hope and desire of every righteous parent to have his or her children ““walk in truth”” and forsake not the teachings of the home.

Yet how, parents may ask, can we hope to instruct children in the gospel when we are untrained as teachers? Our children have fine seminary instructors and auxiliary teachers. How can we hope to offer more in the way of gospel learning?

The fact is that as good as outside teachers may be, everything they do is still supplementary to the teaching that occurs in the home. We make a mistake when we underestimate the importance of daily examples and experiences provided by family life. We may also underestimate our own ability to teach gospel principles, forgetting that this ability is magnified when we seek the direction of the Holy Ghost and organize our efforts to take advantage of all the tools Heavenly Father has given us.

The home is the basic classroom of life and of the Church. We read in the Bible Dictionary: ““Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness”” (““Temple,”” 781). What is taught in the home makes a major contribution toward this sacredness. President Harold B. Lee said that the greatest work we will ever do is within the walls of our own home (see Conference Report, Apr. 1973, 130; or Ensign, July 1973, 98).

I remember a day when I was only three years old and my family was living in a humble two-room home with a dirt roof. My father was in bed, delirious with scarlet fever. There was a heavy storm outside, and my mother, four-year-old brother, and I were putting out pans, cans, and buckets to catch the water dripping through the roof. My little sister slept in a cot near my father.

When the pans, cans, and buckets were in place, Mother called my brother and me to her side and had us kneel in prayer. I am sure she had helped me pray many times before, but on this occasion it was different. I remember her helping me with the words of the prayer. They went something like this: ““Heavenly Father, we really need Thy help. We need our dad to be made better. Please bless him to get well. We need our roof to stop leaking so he doesn’’t get wet and cold and become more ill. We love Thee, Heavenly Father, and we always want to serve Thee.””

There must have been more said in that prayer, but those words of faith from my dear mother in the tender childhood years of my life have never left my memory. I learned the principle of prayer and its value in the home through the example and teachings of my faithful, obedient parents.

The prophet Nephi laid out the foundation and purpose of parental teaching: ““For we labor diligently …… to persuade our children …… to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God. ……

““And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, …… that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins”” (2 Ne. 25:23, 26).

The opportunities to teach our children of Christ and His gospel seem nearly unlimited as we think in terms of both example and precept.

It has been said that the three greatest teachers are example, example, and example. Every parent can best teach gospel truths to children by being a model of Christlike living. Our children will learn more by observing how we live--how we act and what we do--than by any other way we may choose to teach them.

We teach our children to serve well by serving well ourselves. We teach them to forgive by forgiving. We teach love and kindness by being loving and kind, gratitude and appreciation by being grateful and appreciative. When we make and keep gospel covenants and receive the ordinances of salvation, our children will see and be influenced to seek the blessings of this kind of obedience. We teach them principles of honesty and integrity by being honest, truthful, trustworthy, and dependable. We teach them the virtues of responsibility and accountability by being doers, not doubters, by accepting opportunities to participate and to serve, by making our word our bond. When we exemplify love and kindness, are of good cheer, and engage in lifting others and bringing them joy, peace, and happiness, our children will learn by our example and our behavior to do the same. What we want them to be, we must be. If we want them to bear the image of Christ in their countenances, we must strive to wear it ourselves.

My paternal grandmother was a widow from age 64 until her death at 101. She had a simple, small home with little of the material goods of life, yet she was the epitome of happiness, joy, and faith, with a contagious attitude of love, kindness, and hope. Although she had her share of health difficulties and other challenges of life, she was an eternal optimist. Whenever any of her family of 10 children, 69 grandchildren, 210 great-grandchildren, and 49 great-great-grandchildren visited her to bring a measure of love and encouragement, we always received more love and encouragement than we were able to give. She was richly blessed with the things that truly matter, and she shared them best by her noble example. She truly had the image of Christ in her countenance. Grandmother received only eight years of formal education, yet she was a most profound and influential teacher.

Wise parents take care not to be models of negative traits or behavior. We need to remember that hate destroys the soul that harbors it, envy sours the character of one who is dominated by it, criticism and harsh judgment destroy friendships, and bigotry diminishes our world of opportunity. We can be models of good behavior in the face of these temptations. We can choose to teach our children the better way by avoiding grudge-keeping, fault-finding, nagging, sarcasm, contention, murmuring, ridicule, and antagonism.

When we forgive and forget, we give our children the opportunity to experience the miracle of forgiveness. During my years as an Aaronic Priesthood holder, a prominent individual in the stake was found guilty of illegal business practices and sent to prison. Stake members made many critical comments. My kind and forgiving father, who was on the stake high council at the time, brought us together as a family and taught us that there are no perfect people for the Lord to call, but there are many good and wonderful people whom He calls to strengthen the lives of others and also to be strengthened through service. Dad said that we would always be blessed for sustaining those whom the Lord has called to serve and that we ought to focus on their strengths and not on their weaknesses. My father’’s forgiving and loving feelings toward our former leader taught me a powerful lesson which has been a guiding principle in my life.

Speak kindly--say that which edifies. ““A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger”” (Prov. 15:1). When we as parents avoid words that demean, tear down, disappoint, or discourage, we teach our children to avoid damaging habits. When we choose and use words that build, praise, compliment, uplift, and encourage, our children will be motivated to do the same. They will thus be learning Christlike traits, and this behavior will help them feel good about themselves.

We sing, ““Let us oft speak kind words to each other at home or where’’er we may be”” (Hymns, no. 232). Hymns teach many gospel sermons and invite the Holy Ghost to bear witness of the doctrines and truths being taught, as well as bring comfort and cheer. We can use them in the home to teach our children and to reinforce lessons taught by other means. Music is so powerful an influence that songs learned in childhood stay in the mind and heart for a lifetime; as individuals or as a family, we may find it worthwhile at times to ponder the words of some of the hymns and Primary songs.

When opportunities come to us as parents to have conversations with our children, we teach best by inviting them to express their thoughts and by being positive. To foster an effective learning environment, we need to listen to their points of view, their concerns, and their questions. A good rule is to apply the principle: ““Ask, don’’t tell.”” Ask questions that begin with ““How do you feel about …… ?”” ““What is your understanding of …… ?”” ““Why do you think …… ?”” or ““What do you believe is the meaning of …… ?””

Perhaps one of your teenage children may ask to go with friends to a hard rock concert. If you say, ““I do not want you to go because the music and conduct are not in keeping with gospel standards,”” it could cause the child to feel defensive or put down. However, you might say, ““Thanks for asking, but for some reason I feel uneasy about your going. What do you think may be causing me to feel this way?”” Then your child has an opportunity to discuss gospel principles and applications without feeling personally judged. In raising children, I have learned that when parents give answers and statements of doctrine or principles without asking for input from our children, we remove the opportunity for them to discover gospel truths for themselves. We can best engage our children in gospel conversations that foster learning by sharing feelings and understandings with each other.

Often the greatest teaching moments are in less formal settings such as discussions at mealtimes, conversations as we work together, or talk during travel. Prayer times can become effective teaching moments as we counsel together with the Lord.

We also need to teach by word and precept in more formal settings such as family home evening, parent-child one-on-ones, family councils, and family scripture reading sessions. When we as parents earnestly seek to teach our children the divine truths of the gospel and testify to them of God’’s goodness, love, and blessings upon us, the Holy Ghost will instill convictions of those things in their hearts.

Teaching opportunities often come at unexpected times or in unusual circumstances. A few years ago we gave our two sons 10-speed bicycles for Christmas. Then, trying to be a good father, I took one of our old bicycles to ride along with the boys as they learned to operate their new 10-speeds. We were doing fine until my second son, a 10-year-old, looked down at the sprockets as he tried to change gears. He ran directly into the back of a parked car. Because I was a bit ahead of him, I only heard the crash. I immediately went back to help.

My heart ached as I looked at him with his mouth bleeding and a front tooth broken off; his face had hit the trunk of the car. In addition, he appeared for a moment to have broken his leg, something that had already happened to him six years earlier. As I gathered him in my arms, he looked up into my face and said, ““Dad, how come I always have to learn things the hard way?”” Now there was a teaching moment!

We should teach our children from the experiences of life--ours and theirs. That is the way the Savior taught. When we relate the gospel to daily living, it takes on real meaning to our children.

We need to read, study, and learn continually. Then the Holy Ghost can help us teach what we are learning. And we must never forget that we can ask for divine help. Our children are God’’s children too. Through our faith and prayers, He can and will bless them when we cannot be with them and in times when we do not know where they are but He does.

Every parent has the right to seek the Lord’’s help in teaching children the truths of the gospel. Our Father has entrusted these children to us, and He will help us. He will also inspire others to help in the classrooms of the Church, but the home is where the most important teaching and learning should take place. We can all be grateful for wise and good teachers who taught our parents, for those who now teach us, and those who help us teach our children. But they are helpers. We as parents must each assume the responsibility of teaching our children the truths of the gospel by example and by precept. As we do so, we can find assurance in this promise: ““All thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children”” (Isa. 54:13).

The scriptures are fundamental to any effort to teach the gospel in the home. In them, the Lord has provided all the basics of the gospel, along with examples of teaching as He taught. We can use His methods as models; we can emulate His use of parables and down-to-earth stories (the 10 virgins, Matt. 25:1-13; the Good Samaritan, Luke 10:25-37), of object lessons (the tribute coin, Matt. 22:15-22), and of personalized messages (to the Samaritan woman at the well, John 4:4-26).

Yet as rich as they are, the scriptures are not the only Church-approved resources for teaching the gospel to our families. We can be grateful that the Lord has inspired His servants to provide additional materials to help us learn and grow--a wide variety of supplementary resources for teaching gospel principles in the home as well as in Church classrooms. These resources are grounded in and fully correlated with ancient and latter-day scripture.

Among them are the Church magazines--the Ensign, Friend, New Era, and Liahona--distributed monthly in international areas where the Church is well established and at other intervals in areas where the Church is less established in the language or where the gospel has arrived relatively recently. Articles in the magazines are tailored to the lives of members today. All of them, from our Church leaders’’ messages to members’’ testimonies to short tips on preparedness, can be adapted to teaching in the home. Some of the articles for adults include suggestions at the end of the articles for how they might be used in teaching, such as ““Ideas for Home Teachers,”” ““Gospel Topics,”” or ““Let’’s Talk about It.””

Beyond Church magazines, there are many Church-produced books, manuals, and other printed resources that can be valuable for teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in the home. Following are some of them (with their stock numbers in parentheses) that may be checked out from the meetinghouse resources if available, purchased at Church distribution centers, or ordered from the Church Materials Catalog, available through the clerk, bishop, or branch president.

•• ““The Family: A Proclamation to the World”” (35602), issued by the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, teaches and reminds us of the Lord’’s eternal design and earthly purpose for the family.

•• Family Home Evening Resource Book (31106) offers sample lessons as well as suggestions for activities and for improving family home evenings.

•• A Parent’’s Guide (31125) provides information on the development of children and offers help with teaching about intimacy and the importance of families.

•• Family Guidebook (31180) is a basic pamphlet outlining the purpose and organization of the family; it is particularly useful in areas where most members are new to the Church or where they may be geographically isolated.

•• Gospel Principles (31110), the manual for the Gospel Principles class in Sunday School, offers a basic overview of doctrines and principles of the gospel plan and a section with 35 hymns and 10 children’’s songs; it is a great resource for families.

•• Teaching--No Greater Call (33043), the basic manual for the Church’’s teacher improvement courses, is helpful to anyone wishing to improve teaching ability.

•• Teaching Guidebook (34595) is used in place of Teaching--No Greater Call in the Church’’s developing areas where the full curriculum is not available, but it is also an important resource available in established areas, providing assistance in improving teaching, especially in the home.

•• Our Heritage: A Brief History of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (35448) is helpful for those new to the Church or those living in areas outside the United States and Canada.

•• A Member’’s Guide to Temple and Family History Work (34697) describes how members may prepare to receive temple ordinances for themselves or provide them for ancestors.

•• For the Strength of Youth (34285) summarizes standards of conduct for Latter-day Saint youth but is a useful guide for adult members as well.

•• Gospel Art Picture Kit (34730) offers 160 colored pictures depicting scriptural events.

•• Old Testament Stories (31118), New Testament Stories (31119), Book of Mormon Stories (35666), and Doctrine and Covenants Stories (31122) all offer historical stories from the time periods and areas covered by these works, as well as maps and glossaries.

•• Hymns (31243) and Children’’s Songbook (35395) encourage family members to sing in the home the same spiritually illuminating hymns and songs sung in our meetings.

•• Truth Restored (33411) is an overview of the restoration of the gospel and history of the Church.

•• The Holy Temple (30959) is designed to help priesthood leaders or family heads prepare members to receive temple ordinances. It is taken from a larger work by the same name, written by President Boyd K. Packer, now Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

•• Temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (31138) offers illustrated articles about the history, purpose, and use of ancient and modern temples.

•• Church History in the Fulness of Times (32502) is a Church Educational System manual for institute classes, covering the period of time from the Prophet Joseph Smith to modern times.

•• Duties and Blessings of the Priesthood, Part A and Part B (31111, 31112) are manuals each containing 35 lessons on topics related to the priesthood.

•• The Latter-day Saint Woman, Part A and Part B (31113, 31114) each contain 35 lessons to help women become more righteous and better prepared to bless the lives of their families and others.

There are many additional pictures, audiocassettes, videocassettes, compact discs, and other Church-produced resources available. Information on ordering any of these materials and on their availability in specific languages is found in the Church Materials Catalog.

Gospel topics: children, family, teaching, testimony

© 2001 Intellectual Reserve, Inc.
All rights reserved.

36123, Teaching, No Greater Call, C: TEACHING DIFFERENT AGE-GROUPS, 1: TEACHING CHILDREN, 108

When the resurrected Savior ministered to the Nephites, He showed His great love for little children:

““He took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them. ……

““And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones.

““And as they looked to behold they cast their eyes towards heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and the angels did minister unto them”” (3 Nephi 17:21, 3 Nephi 17:23-24).

Referring to this account, Elder M. Russell Ballard said, ““Clearly, those of us who have been entrusted with precious children have been given a sacred, noble stewardship, for we are the ones God has appointed to encircle today’’s children with love and the fire of faith and an understanding of who they are”” (““Great Shall Be the Peace of Thy Children,”” Ensign, Apr. 1994, 60). The Savior’’s example sets a pattern for us as we teach, care for, and influence children.

It is a sacred responsibility to teach children the gospel of Jesus Christ and help them learn to live it. You should teach them true doctrine, as did the prophet Nephi, who said, ““We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins”” (2 Nephi 25:26).

As you teach children, you will find that you receive special blessings. Children will bring joy to your soul and prompt you to be a good example. As you come to recognize the faithfulness, love, trust, and hope of children, you will grow closer to the Lord and better understand His commandment to ““become as little children”” (Matthew 18:3). With the Spirit to guide you, you can love and teach children in a Christlike way. You can help each child find the peace promised to those who follow the Savior: ““All thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children”” (3 Nephi 22:13).

The following information can help you better understand the characteristics of the children you teach (see also ““Age Characteristics of Children,”” pages 110-16, and, if you are teaching Primary, the introductory pages of your Primary lesson manual).

Children are believing. They believe what you say. They are receptive to the truth. You have an obligation to teach them correct doctrine simply and clearly, with language and examples that they can understand.

Children can recognize the influence of the Spirit. Teach them that the feelings of peace, love, and warmth they have when they talk or sing of Jesus Christ and His gospel come from the Holy Ghost. Help them understand that these feelings are part of a testimony.

Children take things literally. Everything is real to them. If you use complex metaphors to teach sacred gospel principles, they may become confused. Help children learn the gospel by discussing events and activities familiar to them: home, family, and the world around them. Make certain that they do not misunderstand what you teach.

Children are curious and eager to learn. They enjoy learning through varied and new experiences. They want to move about, use all their senses, explore, and try new things. Older children like the challenge of answering questions and solving problems. The children in your class will be more attentive and excited about learning when you use a variety of teaching methods and activities to teach gospel principles (see ““Teaching with Variety,”” pages 89-90).

Children are loving and want to be loved and accepted themselves. Look for opportunities to reinforce the kind and loving behavior that comes naturally to children. Because children want to please you and enjoy helping others, give them opportunities to serve. Ask them to carry your books, hold pictures, or answer questions. Encourage them to help one another. Show your love for them. Build their confidence by expressing your appreciation for their efforts whenever possible. Listen attentively to what they say.

Children are beginning to prepare for the future. While adulthood may seem far away for children, they are preparing now for their future responsibilities in their families, the Church, and the workplace. You can help them realize how their current experiences are preparing them. For example, you might say, ““Mary, I watched you help Kelly see how to find that scripture. You were so patient and kind. Someday when you’’re a mother, I’’m sure that you will teach your children many wonderful things.”” Or you could say, ““Matthew, what a great missionary you will be one day because you have learned to set goals and complete them. I am so proud of you!””

Children will follow your example. You are always teaching, even when you are not aware of it. You often teach more by your attitude and example than by your words. For example, children will notice whether you treat the scriptures respectfully. They will observe how you speak about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They will watch how you live the principles you are teaching. Your righteous example will help them develop greater feelings of love and respect for Heavenly Father and His Son.

Little children have short attention spans, and they cannot sit still very long. Do not expect too much from them. Recognize that inattentive behavior might mean that they are tired or hungry, that they do not understand something you have said, that they need to move, or that they are bored. The best way to keep their attention and help them learn is to encourage them to participate in lessons. Because children have an abundance of energy, plan ways to allow them to move or to see, hear, smell, or touch something as part of each lesson. They enjoy learning through repetition, simple stories, songs, and activities.

If you are a teacher or leader, you can assist parents in their efforts to teach the gospel to their children. Tell parents what you are teaching in your class so they can reinforce those gospel principles in the home (see ““Regular Occasions for Teaching in the Home,”” pages 137-39). Encourage children to share with their family what they are learning. In family home evenings, they can share songs, scriptures, games, and principles they learn in Primary classes or activities. Occasionally you might send home reports on the lessons or activities in which they have participated to help reinforce what the child has learned. You could also let parents know when their child has been particularly helpful or when their child is assigned to pray or give a talk. You can invite parents to share their experiences or their testimonies as part of a lesson.

Remember that when you help children gain a testimony and live the gospel, they can influence their families for good. As you teach children the gospel and help them learn how to live it, you help strengthen their families.

© 2001 Intellectual Reserve, Inc.
All rights reserved.

36123, Teaching, No Greater Call, D: TEACHING IN THE HOME--TEACHING IN THE FAMILY, 6: REGULAR OCCASIONS FOR TEACHING IN THE HOME, 137

As parents, you should seek to establish regular occasions for teaching the gospel in the home. When you do this, your children consistently receive gospel teachings that apply in their lives and become a foundation for them. They are able to observe from your actions that believing the gospel means being guided by it in every aspect of life.

The following ideas can help you establish regular occasions for teaching your children the gospel.

The Savior commanded, ““Pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and your children may be blessed”” (3 Nephi 18:21).

Family prayers are excellent occasions for showing children how to pray. As your children observe you earnestly speaking with your Father in Heaven, they will see your faith and righteous desires. They will learn to ““counsel with the Lord in all [their] doings”” so that He will ““direct [them] for good”” (Alma 37:37).

As you pray, you should use the words Thee, Thou, Thy, and Thine in place of you and your. This example will help your children learn the language of prayer, which expresses love and reverence for Heavenly Father.

Children can learn much of the gospel when they hear other family members pray. They learn the need for repentance as they hear others ask for forgiveness. They learn gratitude when they hear others thank Heavenly Father for their blessings. They learn faith, humility, and obedience as they see that their parents continually seek guidance. They learn to honor and respect Church leaders as family members pray for them each day. They can gain a desire to serve missions and receive the blessings of the temple as parents ask Heavenly Father to help their children make choices that will keep them worthy to receive these blessings.

Children learn to have love and concern for others as they hear family members pray for other people. And children feel a great sense of love when they hear family members pray for them.

Each family member should be given an opportunity to lead the family in prayer. Small children can take their turns with help.

Studying the scriptures daily is another powerful way to teach children the gospel. Whenever possible, families should read together at a regular time each day. For some, this is easiest to do early in the morning. For others, family scripture study is best done just before bedtime. Although it may sometimes be difficult to get family members to participate, your consistent efforts to study the word of God will bless your children’’s lives. Your children will learn the truth of Nephi’’s teaching: ““Feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do”” (2 Nephi 32:3).

As children read the scriptures with their family members, they come to love the divine truths of the gospel. The language of the scriptures becomes familiar to them. They learn stories from the scriptures and see how to apply these sacred words in their daily lives. They can also learn to use the maps, the Topical Guide, the Bible Dictionary, and other study helps in the scriptures (see pages 56-58).

You may choose to read for a set amount of time each day. Each family member who can read should be given an opportunity to read from the scriptures. They can take turns reading a single verse or several verses at a time. Children who cannot read may still participate by repeating verses as others read them. If possible, younger children can look at the Church’’s illustrated books of scripture stories or pictures from the Gospel Art Picture Kit.

To help family members understand the scriptures, you can rephrase difficult passages in simpler terms or look up unfamiliar words in the Bible Dictionary. You can ask family members to summarize the main points of the day’’s reading. A young child can hold up a picture of the story being read.

You might ask a child to think of a situation in his or her life that is similar to the scripture story you are reading. For example, you could say, ““We have just read about David and Goliath. What ‘‘Goliaths’’ do you face in your life? What can you learn from David that will help you face these challenges?”” Or you could say, ““I noticed you were helping your younger sister clean her room. Did you realize that you were showing the same kind of love that Jesus spoke about in this story?””

If you are unfamiliar with the scriptures or have difficulty reading, you may feel uncomfortable or inadequate as you read with your children. There is no harm in letting your children know that you are all learning how to read the scriptures. If you postpone family study until you feel confident, you will deprive your children of much-needed spiritual nourishment. Remember that the Spirit can influence you regardless of your experience.

Family home evenings provide excellent opportunities for you to help your children understand and apply gospel principles. A family home evening may include family prayer, gospel instruction, hymns and Primary songs, and family activities.

In planning family home evenings, consider the current needs, concerns, and interests of family members. For example, does a child need to prepare for baptism or for ordination to an office in the priesthood? Has there been contention in the home? As you prayerfully consider the needs and challenges of family members, you will be able to better determine which gospel principles you should teach.

The principles of effective teaching presented in this book can help family members plan and present family home evenings. In addition, the Church has produced the Family Home Evening Resource Book, which contains lessons and ideas for making family home evenings successful. Church magazines are also helpful resources.

Families sometimes find it difficult to make family home evening a regular part of their lives. Sometimes the children are uncooperative, or the parents feel that they are too busy. However, efforts to plan and carry out family home evenings will bless all family members. One man recalled that his family had family home evening only twice as he was growing up. However, these experiences made such an impression on him that when he married he still remembered them and the gospel principles that he had learned. This led him and his wife to establish weekly family home evenings in his own family.

Family mealtimes provide opportunities for you to teach valuable lessons and for all family members to participate in discussions. With otherwise busy schedules, mealtimes are often the only times you can gather with your children to share each day’’s events and discuss ideas together. You can use these occasions to talk with your children about gospel principles, family values, messages shared in sacrament meeting and other Church meetings, school, upcoming activities, world events, and other topics of interest. It can be a time for you to learn more about your children’’s concerns, thoughts, and feelings.

Family mealtimes should be informal and cheerful occasions in which everyone feels welcome to participate in discussions. Where possible, this time should be free from other distractions. Such occasions can contribute to the unity and spiritual growth of the family.

You should call family members together in family council meetings. You may use family councils to set goals, resolve problems, discuss finances, make plans, and give support and strength. You may hold family councils in connection with family home evening or at other times. As you conduct family councils, you can teach your children how to listen and show respect for one another’’s feelings and opinions.

As you regularly talk with your children, you will draw closer to them. You may need to plan private times with each child to express love and encouragement and to teach gospel principles. You should allow each child to talk about the problems or experiences that are important to him or her. As you show genuine consideration for your children’’s concerns and opinions, your children will learn to trust you and seek your advice. Then you can continue to teach them to make good decisions, pray, and study the scriptures for answers to their questions.

Use the scriptures to teach your children how to exercise their agency righteously. Elder Gene R. Cook suggested how a parent could use the scriptures to help a child who questions why the family doesn’’t do certain things on Sunday:

““You might be tempted to say, ‘‘Because I said so,’’ or ‘‘Because the Church says so.’’ But a more inspired parent might say, ‘‘Well, you know that keeping the Lord’’s day holy is not something we just made up. Let me show you something.’’ Then you could open the Doctrine and Covenants to section 59 and read [verses 9 through 11]. ……

““Then you could explain, ‘‘As you can see, the Lord teaches that Sunday is a holy day. …… It’’s a day to rest from our labors and ““to pay our devotions to the Most High,”” meaning that we should go to our Church meetings, partake of the sacrament, do our other Church duties, and visit the sick, the poor, and the needy. It’’s a day consecrated to the Lord, and I bear testimony to you, my dear daughter, that this is true and that the Lord has blessed us greatly for keeping the Sabbath Day’’ ”” (Raising Up a Family to the Lord [1993], 19-20).

For ideas that can be applied in private visits with your children, see ““Teaching in Interviews,”” page 153.

Because the family is the most important setting for learning the gospel, it is fitting for family members to share and discuss with one another the truths they learn in Church meetings, classes, and activities. This allows you as parents to be aware of your children’’s gospel learning, taking your rightful role as those most responsible to teach your children.

Most of the regular occasions for teaching in the family provide good opportunities to ask children about what they have learned at church. You should ask questions to encourage children to recall as much as they can, including stories and specific details. Do what you can to encourage all family members to discuss what has been shared (see ““Conducting Discussions,”” pages 63-65).

© 2001 Intellectual Reserve, Inc.
All rights reserved.

Learning to Teach as Jesus Taught:
A Parent’’s Point of View

By Neil J. Flinders

Like Jesus, we teach what we are--and that’’s about all. That’’s why he was the master teacher--he taught character.

From the September 1974 Ensign

Neil J. Flinders, ““Learning to Teach as Jesus Taught: A Parent’’s Point of View,”” Ensign, Sept. 1974, 64
Jesus loved both his friends and his enemies. This love and acceptance of others was a bridging foundation for all that he taught, and it reflected an eternal perspective. He cautioned his followers against rejecting anyone, saying, ““…… ye know not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them; and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them.”” (3 Ne. 18:32.)

He responded first to those who were rejected by the world--the sinners, the sick, the afflicted, the crippled, and the children, realizing that their needs were often the greatest. Even those who rejected him were regarded with love and understanding, though they often caused him great suffering.

As parents, one of the greatest challenges is to continue to express acceptance of the child who rejects counsel and defiantly runs counter to our desires. It is easy to love those who love us, but how much greater is our challenge when we look beyond ourselves and influence for good those who reject and despitefully use us! Apparently some things are taught best when the teacher is willing to suffer himself.

It is natural for parents to focus their concern and resources on the child whom they perceive has the greatest need. The one whose shoes are worn out gets new shoes, and the one who is hungry or sick gets food or attention. From responding to these needs--one child at a time--parents learn how to solve problems within the family as they arise. It is much the same with teaching. When we care enough about the needs of others to teach them, we are displaying one of the characteristics of the Master.

Looking at those whom we teach through an eternal perspective as Jesus did can genuinely modify our relationship with them. Who are they? Where did they come from? And what are they destined to become? The tremendous potential in the answers to these questions can lift our vision in moments of frustration and days of despair.

When Jesus taught he used his countenance to convey his feelings. (See 3 Ne. 19.) He smiled and he wept. He reflected compassion, mercy, and concern. At times he was tired, and on occasion, disturbed and even angry. He taught with his total self, openly, honestly, and with integrity. A major teaching tool was his spiritual energy, which he freely expressed through his mind and body. Jesus gave of himself in his teaching. He taught spirit to spirit.

If we as parents wish to become instruments in the hands of God as Jesus was, we need to teach with our total selves. It is a magnificent experience to watch a mature mother teach her children. When she is pure, self-disciplined, and imbued with the Spirit, her relationship with them is a living symphony. There is a spontaneity of precision and skill manifest as she reveals innumerable nuances of feeling: tender care, soft love, righteous indignation, disappointment, suffering, uplifting forgiveness, grief, genuine interest, satisfaction, and quick and sharp retribution. The list is almost endless and descriptive words are inadequate.

How blessed are children born to parents who have learned to teach with their total selves! These individuals can act and react with true integrity and not according to a cold and awkward plan that creates frustrating inconsistencies. They are their own best teaching tools.

When he taught, Jesus sought the assistance of powers beyond himself. As he prayed to his Father in heaven for help and blessings, his disciples learned to pray for these same things. Jesus understood that the power of spiritual motivation is not wholly within man but is available to him if he seeks it. (See John 6:44; Matt. 7:7-8.) The way a man exercises his agency determines the influences that will come into his life. Jesus was a master at leading men to use their agency to seek divine influences.

As parents, we invite many people and influences into our homes. Prayer is one means of inviting divine influences into our homes. It is the mechanism by which we acquire the direct assistance of our Heavenly Father in fulfilling parental responsibilities and in teaching one another. Many problems that arise in a family require wisdom and resources that are beyond our own abilities to provide. Few problems, however, are beyond solution if we seek divine help. We should talk to God about our children as much as we talk to our children about God. It is miraculous what can be accomplished when a father kneels and prays with his son, when they pray for each other, and when each member is privileged to pray for his family in their presence. Love is born and nourished in prayer.

Jesus understood that making correct choices leads to true education because new relationships between events and ideas are revealed. Jesus frequently established clearly defined opportunities for those whom he taught to choose the right. (See Luke 7:41-42; Luke 10:26-29; Luke 18:18-23.) He honored their agency by not making their choices for them, but created opportunities for them to choose. He also increased his listeners’’ vision by comparisons so they might recognize and reach for higher and more lofty ideas.

The scriptures seem to reflect a great deal of this teaching by the strategy of contrast and comparison. The Book of Mormon is replete with comparisons between good and evil, right and wrong, war and peace, joy and pain. Throughout the scriptures, the prophets have caught the spirit of the Savior’’s methodology. They do not try to confuse their listeners by distinguishing grey from grey. Rather, they present dear and simple contrasts or compare the familiar with the unfamiliar in a way that helps one discover true principles--principles that will guide a person through the paths of grey that do exist in life. Consider, for example, the contrast used by Isaiah as he spoke of repentance: ““…… though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”” (Isa. 1:18.)

This method is important because when a person confronts opposites, he is more likely to decide that one alternative is right and the other wrong. In other words, his feelings become involved. Consequently, such decisions have greater impact on his spiritual nature than if they merely registered an impression on his intellect. Parents who practice this teaching approach of the Savior will find many opportunities to assist their children in defining differences and in pointing out alternatives. The right question at the right time can be a great help to a child in his moral growth.

Jesus recognized that although people do and say many things, what really counts is their desire or intent. (See Matt. 13:15; Matt. 15:8; Matt. 5:8; Matt. 12:34.) Since his major concern was helping them do the right things for the right reasons, he focused his teaching efforts on influencing their desires or dispositions. He was not satisfied with those who conformed to the rules or law but still lacked the correct desires in their hearts. (See Matt. 23:23-25.) Jesus taught the hearts of men. He used his mind and body as well as the minds and bodies and surroundings of his listeners, but he taught spiritually heart to heart.

This concept is almost forgotten today. For over 50 years the idea has dominated educational thought that man is basically an animal and can best be influenced through his physical senses and his intellect. The modern education that we and our children are exposed to is heavily tipped toward behavioral and intellectual conditioning. In contrast, when Jesus conversed with the woman at the well in Samaria, stopped to talk with Zaccheus at Jericho, and told the story of the prodigal son to the Pharisees, he was reaching out to touch the dispositions of his listeners. He knew that if the right feelings exist in the heart, right actions will follow naturally. Where do children learn these correct desires? Mostly from us, in the home. Children need to know we are pleased when they display a positive attitude or desire. Exposing them to dramatic productions, music, family home evenings, visit with relatives, and opportunities to serve that reinforce positive desires are also ways to influence their dispositions. Discouraging negative attitudes and behavior is equally important. Children need to be clear about what we embrace and what we reject. They need our responses to know we understand them and their attitudes.

In its earliest usage, the word teach meant to show the way, point out, offer to view, or guide. The object emphasized was the teacher, the one doing the showing. By direct inference he was to possess or to be what the student was expected to possess or become. The role of the teacher was to show the way, and then it was up to the student to accept or reject it. Teaching could occur whether or not the student chose to accept and assimilate.

Jesus taught in this manner. He was what he expected his students to become. He knew the way; he was the way. When Thomas asked him how to know the right path, ““Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. ……”” (John 14:6.)

His instruction to the Nephite disciples was similar. He told them they were to be examples and to accept others as he had accepted them so they could see and feel the way. ““And ye see that I have commanded that none of you should go away, but rather have commanded that ye should come unto me, that ye might feel and see; even so shall ye do unto the world; and whosoever breaketh this commandment suffereth himself to be led into temptation.”” (3 Ne. 18:25.)

In modern education a new definition of teaching has arisen, where the learner receives the emphasis. This idea has led to such statements as ““if the student hasn’’t learned, the teacher hasn’’t taught.”” The teacher is regarded as a dispenser of information, not a model for behavior. Students have been conditioned to respond in prescribed ways without requiring the teacher’’s example. In some instances the teacher may be nothing more than a programmed workbook. This new approach assumes that teaching has occurred if a student can demonstrate behaviorally that he can perform according to predetermined standards.

Parents who follow Jesus’’ example and live as they expect their children to live are much more likely to be successful teachers. It seems self-evident that we teach what we are, and that’’s about all. The newer system of teaching may suffice in some areas, but it is obviously lacking in helping our children develop character.

Jesus used his listeners’’ natural, real-life experiences as teaching tools. He asked them to consider the lilies of the field and the traveler who was assaulted by thieves. He helped the young man face a real choice between giving up his temporal wealth and becoming a true disciple or forfeiting his place in the kingdom. He helped the woman at the well face the fact that she was living out of wedlock. He prepared Peter to receive instruction by contrasting two experiences: fishing all night and catching nothing, then feeling the joy of a full net. For the most part Jesus used the natural context of his listener to get his attention and focus his interest.

Home life is probably the most natural context for teaching lessons essential to developing character. Parents occupy the most strategic role in helping children make correct decisions. They know them best, love them more, and hold a position that commands their attention. They have usually earned the fight to speak to them honestly and are in the most effective position to help children make and carry out decisions. When children are caught in a wrong act, frightened by a challenge, confused about a special decision, or facing other problems, parents have the opportunity to use natural circumstances to teach them right from wrong.

When Jesus ministered to the Nephites, he spent three days discussing instructions and organization. Following this, he initiated an interesting program: he spent time teaching and ministering to the children who then taught their parents even greater things than Jesus had revealed to the people. (See 3 Ne. 26:14.)

As a parent I can appreciate the wisdom in this approach to teaching. Children are very effective teachers because they tend to teach the way Jesus taught. By nature of their own development, they reduce things to a simplicity and clarity that is often lacking in adult communication. As parents we feel some sense of ““ownership”” in what they say and do, and this allows them a power and influences not available to others. We are less likely to be defensive and in some ways much more able to accept what they say than what others might say about or to us. It makes one ponder the phrase ““except ye become as a little child.””

When Jesus left his disciples, he promised he would send them a teacher to be their constant companion in his absence. (See John 14:16-17, 26.) This teacher is the Holy Ghost. Without his influence, we are incapable of fully magnifying our callings as parents. The Holy Ghost can assist us in appropriately choosing and using the teaching powers and principles the Savior used. If we exert sufficient effort on our own and exercise a desire for his help, we will be able to teach as Jesus taught. The Savior himself promised, ““…… He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do. ……”” (John 14:12.)

Gospel topics: Jesus Christ, teaching

© 2001 Intellectual Reserve, Inc.
All rights reserved.

From the September 2000 Ensign, talk by Boyd K. Packer, originally given during BYU Education Week, 17 August 1999

She understands that no service equals the exalting refinement which comes through unselfish motherhood. Nor does she need to forgo intellectual or cultural or social refinement. Those things are fitted in--in proper time--for they attend the everlasting virtue which comes from teaching children.

No teaching is equal, more spiritually rewarding, or more exalting than that of a mother teaching her children. A mother may feel inadequate in scripture scholarship because she is occupied in teaching her family. She will not receive a lesser reward.

President Grant Bangerter was having a doctrinal conversation with President Joseph Fielding Smith, who was touring his mission in Brazil. Sister Bangerter listened and finally said, ““President Smith, I have been raising children and haven’’t had time to become a scriptorian like he is. Will I get to the celestial kingdom with Grant?””

President Smith pondered soberly for a moment and then said, ““Well, perhaps if you bake him a pie.””

A man will be hard pressed to equal that measure of spiritual refinement that accrues naturally to his wife as she teaches their children. And if he understands the gospel at all, he knows that he cannot be exalted without her. 19 His best hope is to lead out as an attentive, responsible partner in teaching their children.

Priesthood Session
April 4, 1981

Great Things Required of Their Fathers

President Ezra Taft Benson
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Ezra Taft Benson, ““Great Things Required of Their Fathers,”” Ensign, May 1981, 34
When the Lord declared that ““power is not given unto Satan to tempt little children, until they begin to become accountable,”” He revealed that this period of childhood and unaccountability was given to children so that ““great things may be required at the hand of their fathers.”” (See D&C 29:47-48.)

““That great things may be required at the hand of their fathers””! What confidence the Lord has in fathers, and what a responsibility He has placed on fathers! Great things are required of fathers today.

When I think of fathers, I think of Adam--progenitor of us all--who faithfully taught his posterity in the ways of righteousness. I think of father Abraham, whose faith knows no peer among mortal fathers. I esteem Jacob, or Israel, with a feeling akin to reverence for his diligence and long-suffering. I honor the name of Lehi for the example he gave to his sons.

In this dispensation, I think of Joseph Smith, Sr., first to give credence to his prophet-son’’s testimony. I think of the noble example of Joseph F. Smith, sixth President of the Church and father of the tenth President.

I revere these noble men--not just because they were great prophets, but because they were great fathers, who realized what the Lord required of them, and they lived up to that expectation.

I wish to speak on this occasion to you fathers about three particular things that the Lord requires of us. These are things that every father with an ordinary amount of diligence may do. If we will do them, our homes will be blessed with peace, our names will be proudly borne by our descendants, and our association with our family may be eternal.

Fathers, what great things does the Lord require of us?

First, provide a home where love and the Spirit of the Lord may abide. Children are born innocent, not evil. They are not sent to earth, however, to neutral environments. They are sent to homes that, for good or evil, influence their ideas, emotions, thoughts, and standards, by which future choices will be made.

One great thing the Lord requires of each of us is to provide a home where a happy, positive influence for good exists. In future years the costliness of home furnishings or the number of bathrooms will not matter much, but what will matter significantly is whether our children felt love and acceptance in the home. It will greatly matter whether there was happiness and laughter, or bickering and contention.

I am convinced that before a child can be influenced for good by his or her parents, there must be a demonstration of respect and love.

President Joseph F. Smith said: ““Fathers, if you wish your children to be taught in the principles of the gospel, …… if you wish them to be obedient to and united with you, love them! and prove to them that you do love them by your every word or act to them. For your own sake, for the love that should exist between you and your boys--however wayward they might be, …… when you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger; do it not harshly, in a condemning spirit. Speak to them kindly; get down and weep with them, if necessary, and get them to shed tears with you if possible. Soften their hearts; get them to feel tenderly towards you. Use no lash and no violence, but …… approach them with reason, with persuasion and love unfeigned. With this means, if you cannot gain your boys and your girls, …… there will be no means left in the world by which you can win them to yourselves.”” (Liahona, The Elders’’ Journal, 17 Oct. 1911, pp. 260-61.)

Many suggestions could be enumerated as to what we can and should do to make our homes places of refuge and happiness. I believe, however, that to tell a man what is expected of him is more important than to prescribe exactly how he is to get the job done.

Once you determine that a high priority in your life is to see that your wife and your children are happy, then you will do all in your power to do so. I am not just speaking of satisfying material desires, but of filling other vital needs such as appreciation, compliments, comforting, encouraging, listening, and giving love and affection.

Your supreme opportunity in life is fatherhood! These words directed to fathers by President David O. McKay should be framed by every father:

““When one puts businesses or pleasure, or the earning of additional income, above his home, he that moment starts on the downgrade to soul weakness. When the club becomes more attractive to any man than his home, it is time for him to confess in bitter shame that he has failed to measure up to the supreme opportunity of his life, and flunked in the final test of true manhood.

““The poorest shack in which love prevails over a united family is of far greater value to God and future humanity than any other riches. In such a home God can work miracles, and will work miracles. Pure hearts in a pure home are always in whispering distance of Heaven.”” (Church News, 7 Sept. 1968, p. 4.)

Fathers, what is the spirit in your homes?

Second, teach your children to understand principles of truth. In a revelation to the Prophet Joseph, the Lord directed fathers to bring up their children in light and truth. He rebuked several because of their failure to do so. Each of us would do well to review those principles given in section 93 to Joseph Smith, Jr., Frederick G. Williams, Sidney Rigdon, and Newel K. Whitney.

In this revelation the Lord states that Satan ““cometh and taketh away light and truth, through disobedience, from the children of men, and because of the tradition of their fathers.”” (D&C 93:39.) The ““tradition of their fathers”” refers, of course, to the bad examples and teachings of fathers.

We must remember this world is a telestial environment. Our children grow up in this environment. They are constantly exposed to television programs and movie entertainment which depict the most seamy and perverse side of life. They are barraged with slogans and advertising designed to induce them to practices that rob them of spirituality. Even some textbooks and teaching aids used in our public school systems present theory and, in some instances, falsehood as truth.

Some fathers leave solely to the mother or to the school the responsibility of shaping a child’’s ideas and standards. Too often television and movie screens shape our children’’s values.

We should not assume that public schools always reinforce teachings given in the home concerning ethical and moral conduct. We have seen introduced into many school systems false ideas about the theory of man’’s development from lower forms of life, teachings that there are no absolute moral values, repudiation of all beliefs regarded as supernatural, permissiveness about sexual freedom that gives sanction to immoral behavior and ““alternative life-styles”” such as lesbianism, homosexuality, and other perverse practices.

Such teachings not only tend to undermine the faith and morals of our young people, but they deny the existence of God, who gave absolute laws, and the divinity of Jesus Christ. Surely we can see the moral contradiction of some who argue for the preservation of endangered species, but sanction the abortion of unborn humans.

There is a solution, and it is that the Lord expects great things from the fathers of Israel. Fathers must take time to find out what their children are being taught and then take steps to correct false information and teaching.

I know fathers who inquire of their children each evening to determine firsthand what their children are being taught in school and what needs to be corrected. Then, if necessary, they instruct them in what the Lord has revealed. This is application of the principle that ““light and truth forsake that evil one.”” (D&C 93:37.)

The new consolidated Sunday meeting schedule has been implemented to give fathers more time on the Sabbath to teach their children. This is a golden opportunity for families to study the scriptures and receive instruction from their parents. Blessed is the household that does this on a consistent basis.

What should we teach? The Lord has revealed the specific curriculum that parents should teach. Hear His words: ““Teach …… unto your children, that all men, everywhere, must repent, or they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God, for no unclean thing can dwell there, or dwell in his presence.”” (Moses 6:57.)

As further noted in this revelation, the fundamental doctrines consist of the doctrine of the Fall, the mission of Christ and His atonement, and the first principles and ordinances of the gospel, which include faith in Christ, repentance, baptism for the remission of sins, and the gift of the Holy Ghost as the means to a sanctified life (see Moses 6:58-59).

Brethren, we are to teach the fundamental doctrines of the Church in such a way that our children may understand. Some fathers teach, but their children do not understand. This places responsibility on fathers to study and learn the gospel.

With few exceptions, righteous sons and daughters who have attained eternal blessings are not just physically begotten by their fathers. They are spiritually regenerated by the examples and teachings of their fathers.

Great fathers lead their children to Christ.

Third, set in order your own household. Such was the Lord’’s counsel to fathers in early Church history, and such is His timely counsel to us today!

Setting your home in order is keeping the commandments of God. This brings harmony and love in the home between you and your companion and between you and your children. It is daily family prayer. It is teaching your family to understand the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is each family member keeping the commandments of God. It is you and your companion being worthy to receive a temple recommend, all family members receiving the ordinances of exaltation, and your family being sealed together for eternity. It is being free from excessive debt, with family members paying honest tithes and offerings.

Fathers, are your homes in order?

In a revelation given to President John Taylor, the Lord directed this message to the priesthood: “I call upon the heads of families to put their houses in order according to the law of God, …… and to purify themselves before me, and to purge out iniquity from their households. And I will bless and be with you, saith the Lord, and ye shall gather together in your holy places wherein ye assemble to call upon me, and ye shall ask for such things as are right, and I will hear your prayers, and my Spirit and power shall be with you, and my blessing shall rest upon you, upon your families, your dwellings and your households, upon your flocks and herds and fields, your orchards and vineyards, and upon all that pertains to you; and you shall be my people and I will be your God; …… for my word shall go forth, and my work shall be accomplished, and my Zion shall be established.” (Revelation given through President John Taylor, at Salt Lake City, Utah Territory, October 13th, 1882, typeset ms. in Church Historical Department Archives, pp. 2-3.)

Yes, these times require great things from fathers, and so does the Lord. Three requirements are: create a home where love and the Spirit of the Lord may abide; bring up children in light and truth; and set your homes in order.

The sacred title of “father” is shared with the Almighty. In the Church men are called and released. Did you ever hear of a mortal father being released?

As I travel throughout the Church and see faithful families, I say, “Thank God for exemplary fathers and mothers.” As I see faithful young people and am proud of their accomplishments, I say, “Thank God for diligent fathers and mothers.”

Fatherhood is not a matter of station or wealth; it is a matter of desire, diligence, and determination to see one’’s family exalted in the celestial kingdom. If that prize is lost, nothing else really matters.

I know of one family who has as its goal that each member of the family and posterity will arrive in their heavenly home--the celestial kingdom--with no vacant chairs. That is their objective. They review it at every family reunion and mention it frequently as they mingle together between reunions.

God bless all the fathers in Israel to do well the work within the walls of our own homes. With the Lord’’s help we shall succeed in this, our most important responsibility. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Gospel topic: family

© 2001 Intellectual Reserve, Inc.
All rights reserved.

Neil J. Flinders, ““How Fathers Spiritually Nourish Their Families,”” Tambuli, June 1979, 18
When I was a boy, I used to go with my father to the stockyards. We lived on a small farm and occasionally sold a few animals there.

The holding pens for the cattle, hogs, and sheep were on the river bank. A fenced bridge spanned the river and connected with a ramp that angled up to the top story of a processing plant on the other bank. Since the animals to be butchered had to be herded across the bridge and up the ramp, the men who managed this operation developed a clever solution. They trained a black goat to enter the sheep pens, mingle with the sheep, and then lead the way across the bridge and up the ramp through the door of the processing plant. Once inside the doorway, the goat stepped aside, and the sheep pressed on to their ultimate fate.

I remember watching this scene as my dad explained the operation. He paused, then added, ““Let that be a lesson to you; be careful who you follow. Make sure you know where you are being led.””

I’’ve never forgotten that experience. When I think of fathers leading, teaching, spiritually feeding their families, I remember how my father did it--in simple but lasting ways. The opportunities to teach important lessons are not always planned. They often arise out of our day-to-day experiences--here a little and there a little, taking advantage of a teaching moment.

Probably the most impressive lesson I have learned as a father is that my children are nourished as much or more on what I am than on what I try to teach.

A challenge that tests me as a father is that of creating a relationship with my children more powerful than the relationships they develop with their friends. This doesn’’t seem as difficult with the younger children as it does with the teenagers. Children love to play, and it hasn’’t been difficult to roll on the rug, tickle, tell stories, and make funny faces.

But after age ten or so, my competition gets stiffer. The older children tend to develop strong ties with their peer group even though they also still want our affection and attention. The challenge as I see it is to maintain a stronger relationship with each child than he has with others--to draw him to the family more strongly than he is drawn to any other group. This relationship allows parents to continue to be effective teachers of their children.

I have learned that building this kind of teaching relationship demands special experiences with each child. I have tried to have these experiences at least weekly--sometimes in big events and sometimes in small. A wilderness pack trip on horses or a fishing trip works well with my boys, but my daughters expect something different, and sometimes it’’s taken me awhile to learn what to do. Teaching them an ““old-fashioned”” dance step, knowing about and being aware of their school and social life, explaining why young people do the things they do, or taking them out for a treat alone seems to be effective with my girls.

A major secret is helping them to see the connection between what you do and what it means. Once in a while, let them see you sacrifice something they know you really want to do so that you can be with them.

I have a wise friend whom I consider to be a successful father. He says, ””We need to understand that being willing to lose a few battles may help us win the war.”” I find that this is true. We want our children to develop enough mature independence to establish good homes of their own in which to rear our grandchildren. It is unlikely that they will do this successfully without making some decisions that vary from ours.

Husbands and wives need to give and take in marriage; so do parents and children. It’’s a constant struggle for me to decide where I must stand firm and where I should graciously accept ““defeat.”” It seems worth losing the minor skirmishes if my children stand firm on the matters I feel are too vital for compromise.

Knowing where to give in and where to stand firm emphasizes our need for divine guidance. I know from my own experience that unless I receive spiritual instruction I cannot give spiritual instruction. I learned a great lesson from President Brigham Young’’s instruction to fathers to invite the Holy Ghost into their homes daily:

““Fathers, never cease to pray that your wives may enjoy this blessing of being influenced by the Spirit of the Lord, that their infants may be endowed with the Holy Ghost, from their mother’’s womb. If you want to see a nation rise up full of the Holy Ghost, and of power, this is the way to bring it about. Every other duty that is obligatory upon man, woman, or child, will come in its place, and in its time and season. Remember it, brethren. Let your hearts be pure before the Lord, and never cease to do anything you can for the satisfaction and comfort of your family, that all may enjoy the comforts of the Spirit of the Lord continually. If you do not come to this, your literary attainments will not exceed those of the world.”” (Journal of Discourses, 1:69.)

I find that when I pray for my wife to have the influence of the Holy Ghost as she works with our children, I am more sensitive to what I must do as a father. Likewise, I find it easier to teach my children if I talk to God about my children as much as I talk to my children about God.

Parents are commanded to teach their children to pray, to walk uprightly (see D&C 68:28), and to keep the Sabbath day holy. This responsibility cannot be escaped. Two consequences follow: We should not expect our children to grow up without ever embarrassing us or needing correction; nor should we pretend that we never have any problems with our children. Hypocrisy is a heavy weight to work against.

Fathers are spiritually nourishing their children when they make the difference between right and wrong very clear to them. If we do all we can as long as we can, then we are doing our part.

One of the most rewarding experiences I have as a father is watching my children succeed. As our smaller children have performed in family home evenings or church programs, I’’ve noticed that some are very timid, while others seem to be ““hams.”” But all of them want to succeed, and I feel that one of my spiritual responsibilities is to help them develop enough self-confidence so that they can express themselves in some way compatible with their talents.

My wife has a great method. She frequently will stand before the family and call each child, one at a time, to her side and then tell us all some special things about that child. Each one blushes a little but beams a great deal, and our home is always a little brighter place following such an episode.

Another valuable way a father can spiritually feed his family is to make sure that his loved ones have the opportunity to be influenced for good by other noble men and women.

Taking my family to church, enrolling our children in seminary, interviewing school and Church teachers about their objectives and our children’’s performances, encouraging my wife to attend Relief Society, and inviting good people into our home are all ways of ministering to our family’’s needs. It’’s an unwise father who thinks he has to do it all alone.

After all that a father can say about nourishing his children in righteousness, nothing he will ever do is likely to have quite as much impact as his selection of their mother. The greatest gift a father ever gives his children is their mother, because she, more than any other single force, is the major influence on his children. It is absolutely vital that she seek and nurture righteousness in her home.

A father can spiritually nourish his family then, by striving for a noble relationship with his wife, and by expressing those feelings in actions; tell the children how you feel about her, respect her wishes, consult her opinions, be her friend, court--not demand--her interest and attention, express gratitude in word and act, share your own feelings and problems, show by your own time schedule that her interests are important, that you love her companionship and value her testimony. It’’s hard for a woman to maintain spirituality in the home if the husband does not appreciate and respect her personal righteousness.

When I help my children see their whole lives in a spiritual perspective, I see more opportunities for supplying them with spiritual nourishment. At the same time, I find that I am spiritually nourished by them.

It encourages me to read Enos’’ experience, showing that his father’’s effort to provide spiritual nourishment did not have their greatest impact immediately. (Enos 1:3.) Sometimes it may seem that our efforts are of little avail, that they are being ignored or at best grudgingly endured. But experiences such as the one I had as a young boy, watching a black goat named Judas, are witnesses to me that the return is worth the investment, even when it takes a while to gather interest.

Gospel topics: family, fatherhood, parenthood

© 2001 Intellectual Reserve, Inc.
All rights reserved.

Elder Boyd K. Packer
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Boyd K. Packer, ““The Father and the Family,”” Ensign, May 1994, 19
A family begins when a young man and woman are drawn to one another by an irresistible force of nature. They offer to one another that which distinguishes him as male and her as female, and they want, above all else, to find the one with whom they can completely express their love. They want to have children--to be a family.

These compelling forces of nature should not be resisted, only approached cautiously, protecting those life-generating powers until promises have been made to one another, covenants with the Lord, and a legal ceremony performed, witnessed, and recorded.

Then, and only then, as husband and wife, man and woman, may they join together in that expression of love through which life is created.

The ultimate purpose of every teaching, every activity in the Church is that parents and their children are happy at home, sealed in an eternal marriage, and linked to their generations.

The ultimate purpose of the adversary, who has ““great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time,”” 1 is to disrupt, disturb, and destroy the home and the family. Like a ship without a rudder, without a compass, we drift from the family values which have anchored us in the past. Now we are caught in a current so strong that unless we correct our course, civilization as we know it will surely be wrecked to pieces.

Moral values are being neglected and prayer expelled from public schools on the pretext that moral teaching belongs to religion. At the same time, atheism, the secular religion, is admitted to class, and our youngsters are proselyted to a conduct without morality.

World leaders and court judges agree that the family must endure if we are to survive. At the same time, they use the words freedom and choice as tools to pry apart the safeguards of the past and loosen up the laws on marriage, abortion, and gender. In so doing, they promote the very things which threaten the family.

None of this is new. Jacob, the Book of Mormon prophet, told the people of Nephi:

““I …… am weighed down with much more desire and anxiety for the welfare of your souls than I have hitherto been. ……

““It grieveth me that I must use so much boldness of speech concerning you, before your wives and your children, many of whose feelings are exceedingly tender and chaste and delicate before God.”” 2

This crisis of the family is no surprise to the Church. We have certainly known what was coming. I know of no better testimony that we are led by prophets than our preparation for this present emergency.

The scriptures speak of prophets as ““watch[men] upon the tower”” who see ““the enemy while he [is] yet afar off”” 3 and who have ““beheld also things which were not visible to the natural eye …… [for] a seer hath the Lord raised up unto his people.”” 4

Thirty-three years ago the Brethren warned us of the disintegration of the family and told us to prepare. It was announced by the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles that the Church would be restructured.

The weekly family home evening was introduced by the First Presidency, who said that ““the home [is] the basis of a righteous life and …… no other instrumentality can take its place nor fulfil its essential functions.”” 5

Parents are provided with excellent materials for teaching their children, with a promise that the faithful will be blessed. 6

While the doctrines and revealed organization remain unchanged, all agencies of the Church have been reshaped in their relationship to one another and to the home.

So sweeping were those changes that the entire curriculum of the Church was overhauled--based on scriptures, with excellent manuals for each course.

And years were spent preparing new editions of the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price. Except for correcting printing errors and adding three revelations to the Doctrine and Covenants, the scriptural text remains unchanged.

Cross-references and other helps were added to make the scriptures more accessible. In the Topical Guide, for instance, under the heading of ““Jesus Christ”” there are eighteen pages--small print, single-spaced--the most comprehensive compilation of scriptural references on the Lord that has ever been compiled in the history of the world.

The new editions of the scriptures are complete in English and Spanish, and work is now under way in dozens of languages.

We can only imagine where we would be if we were just now reacting to this terrible redefinition of the family. But that is not the case. We are not casting frantically about trying to decide what to do. We know what to do and what to teach.

The family is very much alive and well in the Church. Hundreds of thousands of happy families face life with an unwavering faith in the future.

The course we follow is not of our own making. The plan of salvation, the great plan of happiness, was revealed to us, and the prophets and Apostles continue to receive revelation as the Church and its members stand in need of more.

We, like Jacob, must teach ““according to the strict commands of God,”” ““notwithstanding the greatness of the task.”” Like Jacob, we also run the risk of enlarging ““the wounds of those who are already wounded, instead of consoling and healing their wounds.”” 7

When we speak plainly of divorce, abuse, gender identity, contraception, abortion, parental neglect, we are thought by some to be way out of touch or to be uncaring. Some ask if we know how many we hurt when we speak plainly. Do we know of marriages in trouble, of the many who remain single, of single-parent families, of couples unable to have children, of parents with wayward children, or of those confused about gender? Do we know? Do we care?

Those who ask have no idea how much we care; you know little of the sleepless nights, of the endless hours of work, of prayer, of study, of travel--all for the happiness and redemption of mankind.

Because we do know and because we do care, we must teach the rules of happiness without dilution, apology, or avoidance. That is our calling.

I once learned a valuable lesson from a mission Relief Society president. In a conference, she announced some tightening up of procedures. A sister stood up and defiantly said, ““Those rules can’’t apply to us! You don’’t understand us! We are an exception.””

That wonderful Relief Society president replied, ““Dear sister, we’’d like not to take care of the exception first. We will establish the rule first, and then we’’ll see to the exception.”” Many times I have borrowed from her wisdom, grateful for what she taught me.

Now, following the example of Jacob, I speak to the men of the Church. Most of you are worthy fathers and husbands who do what you should do. But there are women whose hearts have been broken 8 and children who are neglected, even abused.

If we are to help them, we must begin with the men. The next series of stake and regional conferences will be devoted to teaching the doctrines and principles of responsible and worthy manhood.

Some of you had no worthy example to follow and now visit the abuse or neglect of your own parents upon your wife and children.

Brethren, do you understand that we emphasize the teaching of the scriptures because they are the constant? From them we learn the purposes of life, the gifts of the Spirit. From them we learn about personal revelation, how to discern good from evil, truth from error. The scriptures provide the pattern and the basis for correct doctrine.

From doctrine, we learn principles of conduct, how to respond to problems of everyday living, even to failures, for they, too, are provided for in the doctrines.

If you understand the great plan of happiness and follow it, what goes on in the world will not determine your happiness. You will be tried, for that is part of the plan, but ““thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high.”” 9

Your responsibility as a father and a husband transcends any other interest in life. It is unthinkable that a Latter-day Saint man would cheat on his wife or abandon the children he has fathered, or neglect or abuse them.

The Lord has ““commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth.”” 10

You are responsible, unless disabled, to provide temporal support for your wife and children. 11 You are to devote, even sacrifice yourself to the bringing up of your children in light and truth. 12

That requires perfect moral fidelity to your wife, with no reason ever for her to doubt your faithfulness.

Never should there be a domineering or unworthy behavior in the tender, intimate relationship between husband and wife. 13

Your wife is your partner in the leadership of the family and should have full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating to your home.

Lead your family to the Church, to the covenants and ordinances. We are trying to reduce the length and number of meetings and activities outside of the home.

I cannot express the depth of my devotion to my wife and children, their companions, and their children. I have learned more by far from them than they from me. That learning comes in ordinary experiences, the joy and the pain of everyday life.

I learned from a little boy the identity and value of a human soul. Some years ago, two of our little boys were wrestling on the rug. They had reached that pitch where laughter turns to tears. I worked a foot gently between them and lifted the older boy (then just four) to a sitting position on the rug, saying, ““Hey, there, you monkeys, you’’d better settle down.””

He folded his little arms and looked at me with surprising seriousness. His little boy feelings had been hurt, and he protested, ““I not a monkey, Daddy, I a person.””

I was overwhelmed with love for him. I realized he was a child of God. How much I wanted him to be ““a person””--one of eternal worth. From such ordinary experiences, I have learned to understand doctrine. ““Children,”” truly, ““are an heritage of the Lord.”” 14

The family is safe within the Church. We are not in doubt as to the course we must follow. It was given in the beginning, and guidance from on high is renewed as need may be.

As we continue on our course, these things will follow as night the day:

The distance between the Church and a world set on a course which we cannot follow will steadily increase.

Some will fall away into apostasy, break their covenants, and replace the plan of redemption with their own rules.

Across the world, those who now come by the tens of thousands will inevitably come as a flood to where the family is safe. Here they will worship the Father in the name of Christ, by the gift of the Holy Ghost, and know that the gospel is the great plan of happiness, of redemption, of which I bear witness in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Gospel topics: abortion, abuse, agency, curriculum, divorce, family, family home evening, freedom, joy, home, marriage, morality, parenthood, Satan, scriptures, teaching.

© 2001 Intellectual Reserve, Inc.
All rights reserved.

By President Marion G. Romney
First Counselor in the First Presidency

This edited version of an address previously given by President Romney is reprinted for individual and family study.

Marion G. Romney, ““Let Us Set in Order Our Own Houses,”” Tambuli, Apr.-May 1985, 21
““Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”” (Prov. 22:6.)

This counsel is prompted by the conviction that training our children is the best antidote to the materialism, irreverent secularism, declining morality, adult and juvenile delinquency, increasing crime, and general disregard for the laws of God and the dignity of man that so plague our present world.

It is not my purpose to harrow up your souls by dwelling upon the sordid aspects of our times. My purpose in calling it to your attention is that unless these pernicious influences are checked in our families, and in our own lives, they presage great sorrow and sadness in the lives of parents, children, and all who succumb to the spiritually antagonistic philosophies, attitudes, and practices of our time.

The Church can and will assist parents in training their children. But it can only assist. The Church is not and cannot be a substitute for parents in t