My Dad

This page is dedicated to all those hard-working, diaper-changing, dishes-washing, kid's-face-cleaning-off, occasional-meal-cooking, socks-picking-up, scripture-studying, boo-boo kissing, quiet-ear-listening, and all-around-helping FATHERS without-whom-we-would-not-be-Mothers,
to whom we owe so much.

Dads: The Ultimate Homeschoolers

There are multiple ways for fathers to mentor their children.

Misha Basalaev, a physician and homeschooling dad, spends about three hours a day (including his lunch hour) with his children. He believes everyday activities provide learning opportunities. Despite a busy medical practice, Misha plays cards and chess, cooks, answers questions (medical and others), and reads to his kids each day. Long conversations, bicycle trips, and visits to theaters and museums are a vital part of his family's homeschool curriculum. Misha's goal? “To spend as much time as possible with my girls, and guide them so they become kind, generous, curious, and responsible people.”

By Isabel Shaw

Compliation of support materials for Fathers and Mothers

"Home education is awash with impressions that the dads do little or none of the teaching. And for some that's true. But if your definition of teaching is not narrow, most dads do a lot more than they get credit for. How about washing the car, doing the garden, leading out at story time or worship? If you think of education as example, as many good dictionaries do; if part of your program calls for Dad's reading during morning or evening story or worship hour; if you give him teaching credit for washing the car together with the kids, or sharing with them in the family industry, or playing together in the backyard or on picnics or camping trips, then his percentage multiplies mightily."

"If you are interested first in character development as we are, this kind of teaching by both parents through association and example is the most powerful education of all!"

Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore

Dads: The Ultimate Homeschoolers
Read the results of a survey by the School of Abraham

Cream and Sugar by Greg Olsen

"I need to get more informed/involved with homeschooling. I need to read up some, and we need to work on some plans to make our homeschool work. How do other Dads get involved? Any success stories? I think I need responsibility for certain areas. What do you think?....I need to get more involved." ~~Love, Jim~~

If you are a Dad, you are the Ultimate Homeschooler.

What is Dad's role in homeschooling?

The vast majority of homeschooled children are taught primarily by their mother. Currently, less than one percent of homeschooling families have a working mom and a stay-at-home dad, but with telecommuting becoming more common, and the increase in successful family businesses, it is expected that more fathers will be home for a significant portion of the day.

So, what are the dads to do? We surveyed homeschooling families to find out just what the father in their household did, and even asked moms to tell us what they wish their husbands would do to enhance their homeschooling experience. Our results are summarized below. Tasks for fathers ranged from the simple ("Please take out the trash, dear") to the more complex (help the children build a tree house, or tutor an older child in calculus or chemistry). Dads fit a range of homeschooling styles, from unschooling to classical. They may be an engineer or a doctor, a hospital worker or a janitor. All dads have one thing in common: the inevitable responsibility to nurture and train the next generation. The homeschooling father has a great treasure: time with his children, and a greater knowledge of what to do with it, and an understanding of his unmatched opportunity to literally change the future by properly preparing his children for adulthood.

There isn't a homeschooling mother who doesn't want, wish, pray for, and plead with her husband to be more involved in the homeschooling venture. Yes, Dads, you are welcome and wanted.

Why do we say that Dads are the Ultimate Homeschoolers?

Because what you do and say, Dad, directly influences your wife, and she your children. If you are cheerful, witty and supportive (OK, we'll concede the witty, if you'll be cheerful and supportive), then your wife is empowered to nurture and care for your children in a much fuller and heartfelt manner. If you are not cheerful and supportive (taking the opposite view simply for illustrative purposes), then your wife feels deflated, discouraged, and less able to cope with the many demands that homeschooling brings.

Don't leave her to flounder! Keep your head up, and check out our simple list below of proven and field-tested ways to involve yourself in your children's upbringing and homeschool education. Step right up, Dad! Your family will welcome you with open arms. You don't have to be a nuclear scientist to show them that you care. Don't be shy. Your time and attention are two priceless gifts that only you can offer.

Practically speaking, what can a homeschool father do? See our compilation of survey responses for many ideas. One mom wrote: "Yes, I want my husband to assist in our homeschool. But if he could just realize that every time he hangs up his own shirt, or picks up his socks, or loads the dishwasher for me, he is assisting in a very real way! Yes, these little things do make a difference! He also is very generous in allowing me to buy books for the children. What do I wish he would do differently? I'd like to "begin with the end in mind." We need to have more clearly defined goals for our homeschool, and I'd like his commitment and input on that."

40 Things a Homeschool Father Can Do by Mike Ferris

Homeschooling Dads by Isabel Shaw

Ten Ways to Be a Better Dad by Family First

Great Things Required of Their Fathers by Ezra T. Benson

Encouraging Fathers by John and Marjo Angelico

Six simple things nearly every father can do for and with his children:

Since you know where your children are, you can call them during the day to say hello, or they could call you to share something; if you need to call home for something else, talk to your children as well.
If possible, have your children come in regularly to see where you work and meet some of your colleagues.
Talk with your children about your work and colleagues.
Build some family traditions like: always have the same meal together daily (breakfast or dinner); always take a Saturday or Sunday to do something as a whole family; always brush the teeth of your little ones; always pray with them at bedtime.
Keep some time available for "anything can happen" things: children asking wild questions, telling you a story; showing you a picture.
Have some space where you can put pictures drawings and messages from your children.

YOUR attitude - the most important factor

Keep your cool - teach good attitudes by example. Take a long hard look at what matters most. The phone can wait; meals, washing are important, as are love and laughter; basic academics and good sibling relations. Don't push too hard for the rest.

Click here for more great advice from a homeschool father on: Chores and Responsibilities, Sibling Relations, Babies and Toddlers, Interruptions, Focus Teaching Time, Together Time, Curriculum Choice, Cross-age Tutoring, Prayerful Problem Solving.

The Three Essentials

John and Marjo Angelico write that there are three things fathers need to do for preschoolers:

Read to them. Not just picture story books: the Bible, historical stories, mini-science, literature etc. at whatever level they can cope with or just a little higher than you think. You'll often be surprised that they do understand things you thought beyond them. Reading broadens their horizons and opens up the world to them, allowing new input and discussion, all in the safety of Mum's lap. Allow such diversions, discuss the picture, draw their attention to details, enjoy the book together, then stop whenever either of you have had enough.
Work with them. Allow them to come under your wing and be apprenticed to you in your work. Teach them to dress, make their beds, dry dishes, vacuum, polish floors, rake, wash cars, weed the garden etc.
Give clear instructions and encourage the child to complete a small section of a task, i.e. to really be a help, not just cute. This section, of course, gradually increases until a large chore can be reliably completed by the child.

This teaches a child to listen, to obey instructions, to pay attention to detail, to extend their concentration span, and to be a contributor in life, not merely a consumer. They love it - God put a natural desire to help in these blessings - why should we refuse them?

Obedience is of course the only scriptural instruction to children. This greatly simplifies life for the child - and his parents. There is no need to enter into theological wrestlings on the finer points of the Law and its New Testament applications. God planned that they should be apprenticed to us, to reflect back to us our life-view so that we may see it and adjust our own un-Godly traits before we are allowed to lead in wider society.

Additionally, teaching children household tasks shows the parent how that particular child learns. How many instructions can they comprehend and obey at once? Did they understand better from watching you or when you verbally instructed in each detail of the task? Did they need to repeat back instructions - either voluntarily or because you asked them? Did they only seem to "click" when they tried it themselves? How developed are their various muscle-controlled mechanisms? How long could they continue taking in what you said? Were there attitude problems you had to deal with? All these things are imperative for when you begin academics.
Talk to your child. Everyone thinks they do this (in fact everyone thinks they do all three of the essentials) but have you ever listened to how much talk is higher-level than instruction-giving and one-word answers? Have you ever noted how often you smile, look at and listen to them? Do you talk about what you're doing and why, also what you're thinking about, what God is teaching you, what you're observing around you? Teaching to the children makes them observant and aware, verbally capable, thoughtful and less selfish, and extends their vocabulary and thinking skills.

"Expensive programs are only good inasmuch as they force the instructor to do these three essentials. Child-centered activities like playdough, puzzles, and gymbaroo are fun additions but can be added as possible or largely ignored without long-term damage. However a child with all the programs in the world, but little or none of the "three essentials" will be disadvantaged.

"If you remember just these three things - read to them, work with them, talk to them, you will be providing a superior preschool education."

Gary Wyatt, writing for Home Education Magazine, urges homeschooling fathers to become more involved: “At the end of the day it’s a temptation to “veg out” in front of the TV or do other things that exclude our families. I’ve heard a lot of well-intentioned fathers complain that they can’t find the time for their children; however, the proactive fathers I know make time for them.”

Wyatt continues, “For fathers to deny themselves full involvement in the lives of their children is to cut themselves off from something elemental and soul-sustaining, something vital for both themselves and their children.”

"Sadly for a whole generation or more of children who have already missed out, there is no substitute for spending average time in large quantities with your children. Our relationships with others, particularly with our children, will require quantities of time. "Time efficient parenting" ("quality time") simply doesn't work when you are teaching your son or daughter to ride a bike."

From "Fathers" by John and Marjo Angelico

"There is NOTHING you can do wrong except to ignore your children. If you neglected to teach some major area of the curriculum for years (say geography), you could catch it up when you thought of it. If you teach math the old way, and teachers don't like it, there's nothing wrong with it if the child uses it successfully. If you can't achieve something you aimed for in a specified time, you could change tack and take a little more time. If you are paying attention to what is happening to your child, everything you teach is a positive step forward."

John Angelico

“I have learned that homeschooling is more than just having school in your home. Homeschooling is a family lifestyle commitment that completely refocuses the family toward a common pursuit: the education of every family member.”

Chuck Baker

My husband takes time to take me out for a soda and listen...looking me in the face and nodding with the pre-programmed yes and no's. I know sometimes he has no idea what I'm saying or where it is going but just knowing I have his attention has been wonderful. He includes the kids on work and service projects, dragging them away from the house...which gives me 'me time' soaking in the tub, eating peanut M&M's, watching a movie or veg'ing. Personally, I love this!

Dulinda

"A home school dad is an almost saintly man who, in the face of societal prejudices, polite smiles from neighbors, and minority status at every home school function, has chosen to accept the challenges of teaching his children in his home. In many cases he and his wife have chosen to live at a lower income level to pursue this ideal. Often, dad not only teaches, but is also a true "Mr. Mom", assuming all the responsibilities of that position."

Leslie Woodcock

One evening all four of my teenagers were at home, and my husband invited them to join him in a contest. He put on some classical music and, for each piece, he would give a point for period, composer, and title. They weren't very interested at first, but then the competition heated up.

When one daughter finally won, he offered to pay her share of the car insurance for that month--a great prize!

Cheryl

Neither of us really has a picture of what a husband's role CAN be, given the other demands on him (talking here of a husband who works outside the home, far enough away that he can't come home until they end of the workday, and leaves way before the rest of us are awake). We have been making progress -- for example, he has found a way to attend a field trip this year, he helped my son through the entire process of writing his first research paper last year, he administers the occasional spelling test and is appreciating that simply listening to me can be a real help oftentimes.

Lori

Our Survey

The Question: We are writing to solicit any input from you folks on how your husband is involved with your homeschooling. (Or how would you LIKE your husband to be involved?)

Survey results are summarized here

The School of Abraham conducted a survey about the nature of the involvement of homeschool fathers early in 2001, in order to help to articulate a perspective that may be useful to fathers (and mothers) of homeschooling families. Our research led us to conclude that

Dads are the Ultimate Homeschoolers.

Some families already know this, but others need to become aware of it. Some dads may not recognize how to or that they should become involved (or perhaps they are already involved but not consciously aware of it) in meaningful, yet simple ways; some dads are significantly involved, some offer supportive roles (such as housekeeping). But through this research we have understood more deeply that the stewardship for homeschooling is the father's.

Dads need to know that they are the very core of homeschooling, and moms and kids build on their foundation, whether shaky or solid.

That does not mean the father must do double duty as provider and as homeschool instructor, but that he has a God-given responsibility to nurture and support in various ways that cannot be disconnected from his role as a father, and which directly applies to homeschooling. Each man will fulfill that role differently, some to a greater, and some to a lesser extent, depending on the talents (time, energy, and wisdom) that he has been given. If the husband has a willing heart, and he strives for an understanding of his spiritual responsibility for the success of the family, he is on the right path to fulfilling his true role. It is important that both husband and wife pay heed to that spiritual reality. Part of the purpose of this research is to share ideas of what other fathers have done.

One father in our survey wrote:

"I hope I am not the only one out here, but as the father of my 13yr old homeschooling son I do 95% of the instructing. It seems that a majority of the fathers leave it up to the wives and mothers. Because I work 3rd shift, four nights a week (including weekends), and have T-Th off (my wife works second shift), I took it upon myself to educate my son.

"I find it a "challenge" to work full time and teach, but luckily I have a son who is very responsible. I give him assignments in his textbooks, which we pick up at used book stores, and he does the required reading and assignments. Together we review his work when our schedules provide for an hour or two of one-on-one. Yes, sometimes we are doing essays at 9 pm, but this allows our family to start the day at 9 am and bedtime is midnight or 1 am. Yesterday when my son said he learned more in the last year and a half than he did attending "school" in the previous six years.

"I know I made the right decision. Being the teacher while homeschooling should be a shared task whenever possible between the parents. Fathers must be involved to provide the proper role models to their children. To fathers who "don't have the time", I say make the time. Or else your child will be twenty-one years old and you won't know where or who they are."

Ken (not just a Father but a Dad)

"Become an enthusiastic life long learner yourself, and by so doing set a genuine example for your children. Conversations that I have had with many homeschooling fathers (and mothers) reveals a hypocrisy of sorts. Many parents get frustrated when their children don't become as excited as they would like them to be about learning opportunities. All to often, however, these parents are expecting their children to do something they are not doing themselves, and that sends a message that simply doesn't wash. Children need to see their parents practice what they preach. Parents should set the example by reading good books, discussing interesting ideas, and involving themselves in worthwhile activities. Children need to constantly witness their parents' love of learning."

Gary Wyatt

Mary Ellen, one of the participants in our study, had these words of advice for homeschool fathers:

"Whenever you are home, include one or all of your children in whatever
you are doing. Assume that they want to "help" you, and make it
possible for them to do so. Don't ask the kids "Do you want to...?" Instead, pleasantly say, "Let's do _____ ". Wait patiently while they get ready and let them really help. Expect that it will take you twice as long
and will be twice as messy as doing it by yourself. (Don't force them to
if they don't want to, of course) Take them with you when you run errands on evenings and weekends.

"When you ask them about what they did all day, really listen to what
they did, even if it doesn't sound like "school". Don't say, didn't you do
any schoolwork today?

"No matter the gender of your kids, make sure that they see you doing
"women's work", dishes, laundry, etc. Make sure their mother has at
least one regular activity away from home, during which time you are
really in charge - cooking dinner or getting the kids to sleep. Please
don't say you are "helping" mom when you do any of the above. You are participating in raising your children."

Mary Ellen

Speaking of sharing the workload with her husband, another mother wrote:

"Our homeschool is part of our family vision. It is not an afterthought or a "something else to do" and it is not treated in that manner. It is an integral part of our lifestyle. As such my husband and I are both involved, but in differing capacities. Neither better than the other, just different given the different roles we have in our family. He is the head of our homeschool as he is our family. He travails in prayer over it and seeks the Lord's leading for it. I am responsible for most of the hands on teaching.

"He is pretty much the principal. There has never been a "turf" issue for either of us. We are both good at different things and we try to use our talents and gifts in the best way possible to benefit our family. This is the way the Lord has led our family. Our goal is to instill a sense of joy, awe and wonder into our children. There is no deadness of the intellect when there is a sense of wonder."

Lynn

We would like fathers and mothers to have a sense that dad needs to be a part of the education taking place inside their home. He doesn't necessarily have to be a teacher or "principal", but he needs to be a positive force and influence in the lives of his children. We also want dads to realize that if they involve their children in their passion, hobby or work they are educating their children. The days of apprenticeships are mostly in the past, but they do not need to be. If a father is involved in computers then maybe he needs to involve his children in that hobby. If a father love railroads, then he needs to involve his children in that passion. If the dad loves to garden, then he needs to involve his children in that work. Much can be learned from a father. But the most important thing we would like the fathers to understand, especially if they aren't the primary teacher in their home is that time spent with their children in good honest work, study, and play will not be wasted and will build relationships, have learning opportunities and make sweet memories in the lives of their precious children. And that this type of "education" is not hard when you consider all the things that you do throughout the course of a week. "Education" opportunities are abundant, if only you see them.

I have only one chance to see my children grow up. To be quite honest, I don't want some school which is blocks away to have this joy. It should be mine. Further, I seriously doubt if some second grade teacher with thirty students in a class would enjoy seeing my children learn nearly as much as I do. I will not let schools rob me of a thousand experiences; [they] are mine to watch, enjoy, remember, and cherish. I feel sad for the millions of parents who are giving these types of experiences away to the schoolhouses every day.

Jim Muncy

My husband does not have the time or energy to help me with the day-to-day instruction and decisions in homeschooling, but he *always* helps by listening when I've had a bad day, stepping in to discipline the boys when they are giving me a hard time, doing the dishes while I put the little ones to bed, helping me problem solve, etc. He also goes over every year's big picture planning to double check for me that I'm not missing something. We are a team. I definitely view my husband as the head of our household and our homeschool.

Joy

Vision Forum Newsletter by Doug Phillips: Patricide vs. Patriarchy. "For many years now, I have been deeply impressed with the importance of fatherhood, family, vision, multigenerational faithfulness and covenant succession. I believe that God means these concepts to be defining in the life of a Christian man."

Art by Liz Lemmon Swindle

A man will be hard pressed to equal that measure of spiritual refinement that accrues naturally to his wife as she teaches their children. And if he understands the gospel at all, he knows that he cannot be exalted without her. His best hope is to lead out as an attentive, responsible partner in teaching their children.

If with pleasure you are viewing

Anything your child is doing,

If you like him, if you love him,

Let him know.

Don’t withhold appreciation

Until others give expression——

If he wins your commendation

Tell him so.

More than fame and more than money

Is a disposition sunny,

And some hearty warm approval

Makes one glad.

So if you think some praise is due him,

Now’s the time to give it to him;

Tie him close with loving language

From his dad.

--Author unknown

One homeschooled student wrote that her Dad:

Gives lectures on the subject of “When I was your age…” (as in, “When I was your age, sugar didn’t exist.”)

Screens her movies with a ferocity that would scare the bravest man.

In a way that defies description, walks, while sleeping, to the bookshelf and promptly pulls out thirty-one books that are “better” for me than the ones I'm reading currently.