Behind the Curtain:
A Sunday Morning in the Life of Jenn Young
by Jenn Young
It's a peaceful Sunday morning; the birds are singing, the sun is shining over a serene and lovely world.
Suddenly, the stillness is broken by a piercing scream. In a little room in a little house in a little town, Jenn Young reels backwards, clutching her nose. She glowers at the again-motionless form of her sister. "Em, it's Sunday. Get up." (Silence) "Em, it's Sunday, and CHURCH STARTS IN FIFTEEN MINUTES! GET YOUR BONES OUT OF BED!" (More silence) Jenn makes an attractively Orc-ish sound, and stomps out of the room, slamming the door hard enough to cause a serious seismic disruption.
Welcome to "A Sunday Morning in the Life of Jenn Young"; fasten your seatbelt; please keep hands and feet inside at all times.
After this weak attempt at helping her family get ready for church, Jenn gives up and goes downstairs to get herself ready. By the time she comes back upstairs there will be a heap of mis-matched shoes in the entryway. There will be a minimum of three kids who need help to get their hair combed and their shoes on. Em will still not be fully awake.
And that's just the beginning.
Let's skip ahead to Church; the Youngs will tiptoe (well, some of them will tiptoe, anyway) into the overflow as the sacrament hymn is being sung. Jenn will find the page just as the last verse is being finished. The deacons stand up, and the priests begin to bless the sacrament. Joseph will be reading his science book and (note that the prayer is still being said) will ask something like, "What kind of cell is this?", or "That's a skeleton!" Jenn is sinking down in her seat, but if you look very closely you can see the top of her head.
The prayer ends, and the bread comes around. "You took my piece!" "Joshua took two pieces!" "…Mom, why is Jenn hiding under the seat?"
The water is blessed. "You can see that girl's intestines!" (Jenn quietly dislikes the publishers of Joseph's science book.)
The next few minutes are uneventful, other than the soothing and rhythmic sound of Jacob dropping a 50˘ piece on his metal chair. This gives Jenn a false sense of security, and she comes out from under the chair. As luck (or the Overperson of Irony and Cruel Fates*) would have it, this emergence exactly coincides with Jacob dropping the stack of hymnbooks he was making. Understand that the Youngs aren't on the traditional carpet, but on a hardwood floor in a very echo-y gym.
Back under the chair.
Jenn's view from under the chair is actually quite interesting, defying all common sense and perhaps a few laws of physics. She could tell you, for instance, that Esther and Joseph are headed toward the stage. She could also speak at length about the lack of space under fold-up chairs. And the inherent badness of people who leave their old gum on chairs. Those are subjects she feels strongly about.
Jenn is just mentally composing a petition concerning the banishment of gum when her father's foot comes dangerously near her fingers. She yanks her hand back under the chair, and watches as her dad finally takes her beloved siblings out into the hall.
Jenn makes a few attempts at getting out from under the chair. "Um…a little help here?"
Parting is such sweet sorrow, dear readers. I am going now…. I bid you all a very fond farewell. And stop laughing, this stuck-under-a-chair thing is no laughing matter. Goodbye.
Cheerfully and with great (er, compromised) grace,
Jenn Young
*"Overperson of Irony and Cruel Fates" belongs to me, but if you want it, take it and welcome. Think of it as an Old Man Trouble with a warped sense of humor.
